Masturbation

The normal outlet for sexual tension is orgasm, and orgasm is naturally achieved by friction of the walls of the vagina on the penis; in other words, sexual intercourse. But our social structure being what it is, many young people between the ages of thirteen and eighteen are denied intercourse.

On the other hand, they must have an outlet, and this is easily accomplished by masturbation. It's been argued that a boy's sex-drive, i.e. the number of orgasms he requires weekly, is stronger when he is in adolescence than when he is an adult.

It is true that most boys periodically masturbate more frequently than their sex-drive prompts, but this may happen because it's a new experience about which they are curious - it is this, I think, which has led to the notion that men are most sexually active during adolescence - but over a period boys in adolescence have no more orgasms and ejaculations weekly than they do between the ages of twenty-two and forty.

Sex-drive is caused by hormones which cause tension to build up in our sexual systems. This tension can be relieved only by orgasm with, for men, ejaculation. This chemical process works at different speeds in different individuals, and it is these different speeds which determine how often we are prompted to have an orgasm or make love in response to the sexual tension which our bodies build up.

The majority of men experience this kind of sexual arousal about three times a week, but there are quite wide variations of frequency experienced by significant numbers of others. Some men, for example, are aroused by their sex-drive as infrequently as once or twice a month, others only once a week: while on the other side there are men who are aroused four or five times a week, others who are aroused daily, and even some who are aroused two or three times a day.

If a man who is unable to have an outlet for his sexual tension through lovemaking and sex, responds to his sex-drive by masturbating, the frequency with which he masturbates will match the speed at which his particular chemical process works. This will vary, as I have said, from man to man, and it is impossible to lay down any hard and fast rule for what may be termed normal masturbating activity.

In these last few paragraphs I have been leading up to the question which exercises the minds of a large number of men who write to ask me, 'Is it possible to have masturbated too much as a teenager?' and who then go on to ask the question that is really uppermost in their minds, 'Do you think my frequent masturbation as a teenager has damaged my sexual system so that I now suffer from......a curved penis, or premature ejaculation or whatever is troubling them.'

When I inquire about their masturbatory frequency in their teenage years I am, in most cases, surprised that it was so low. Usually it is never more than four or five times a week, which seems to indicate that they have responded to a sex-drive of about three times a week - which is average - plus a possible two occasions when they masturbated to relieve a momentary boredom or purely for the pleasure of orgasm and ejaculation .

This is perfectly natural, for even as adults we make love on quite a number of occasions when we are not responding to our sex-drive. We may moved by sudden intimacy, a celebration or a special occasion, or suddenly feel particularly loving towards our partners.

Adolescents usually masturbate more often than their sex-drive prompts them to do, mainly because the experience of orgasm is a relatively new one, and the pleasant sensations, achieved by no other activity, are so attractive that we are often unable to overcome the urge to treat ourselves to them.

And there is no reason why we should resist such urges. Except in cases of extreme frequency - and by extreme frequency I mean anything over seven times a day - no harm can be caused to the penis itself or to the sexual system. In fact, the body won't let man ejaculate to excess. As soon as it has had enough, the scrotum begins to ache and the penis will become sore. If none of these symptoms occur, then you can be sure there is no excessive masturbation. When they do occur, a couple of days masturbatory inactivity will quickly restore everything to normal.

One thing that can affect the responses of the penis to stimulation is the masturbation technique. This varies from individual almost as much as lovemaking techniques can vary. Some men hold the glans between finger and thumb only and draw the foreskin rapidly back and forth over the glans.

Some circumcised men place the thumb lightly under the rim and two fingers on the frenulum and rub both rim and frenulum gently, some slowly, others very rapidly. Others, however, grip the whole shaft with the complete clasped hand, holding it firmly, and move it up and down so rapidly and violently that one wonders why the penis does not come off in their hands. The men who masturbate in this way whom I have questioned as to why they do it like this, have said they have always done it so and now cannot reach orgasm any other way.

Since the men I have talked with have mostly come to me because they were worried by the long time it takes them to come off during normal lovemaking, I have no proof that what I am going to suggest has any basis in fact. But I am beginning to wonder if while using the penis roughly they somehow permanently deprive the nerves in the glans of a good deal of their sensitivity, hence the long time it takes them to reach orgasm.

There is one technique of masturbating which seems to have this effect on the nerves of the frenulum. The penis, instead of being stimulated by the friction of the hand or fingers, is brought to orgasm by no movement of the hand at all. In uncircumcised men the foreskin is pulled right back as far as it will go, and the hand is clasped firmly just below the rim and pushed down towards the pubic-bone and held there until orgasm arrives, which is brought about by the unnatural stretching of the frenulum in this way. (Circumcised men sometimes use the same technique.)

This certainly eventually stretches the frenulum so much that even when the penis is erect and not being touched at all, it hangs like a small pouch below the lip of the penis instead of being taut. I have seen three men who used this technique as a regular method of masturbating all with such pouch-like frenulums and all complaining that they have difficulty reaching orgasm and ejaculating during love-making. As an occasional method, I do not think it can do any harm, but I would advise against its frequent use.

As I have said, apart from these two possible ways in which masturbation might affect a man's sexual performance while lovemaking, neither the physical handling of the penis nor the frequency of masturbation either in adolescence or currently can have an effect on a man's future lovemaking.

Men who run into performance difficulties in their adult sexual experience - whether retarded ejaculation or premature ejaculation (a man may want to know how to stop ejaculation - he can find a useful treatment program on the internet. Sometimes he thinks rapid ejaculation is the result of having masturbated so frequently; but masturbation, far from being physically harmful or wrong, is physically beneficial and mentally necessary.

Some men continue to masturbate after marriage, represented by the husband who wrote: I have been married for four years to a beautiful and wonderful girl who is four years younger than me. (I am 28.) Our sex-life could not be happier or more satisfying. We make love four or five times a week, on average, and every time it seems to be better than it ever was. Please can you tell me, then, why I still masturbate and ejaculate once and sometimes twice a week as well? Is there something wrong with me?

Unfortunately, he did not say why he is prompted to masturbate, but I can assure him that he is not alone among happily married men: the reasons include -  he is temporarily separated from his wife, or because he is not making love often enough with his wife, or because the wife is ill, or when there has been a disagreement or a quarrel which, for the time being, causes a withholding of any kind of loving word or gesture, and certainly of sexual activity involving the partner. If you want to renew your relationship, or get an ex-partner back, Text Your Ex Back seems to be the best program on the market for this.

These are the most frequent causes of a husband masturbating. But sometimes it just happens that the sexual urge imposes itself on a man's consciousness, he has an erection which deserves attention, and he just wants to enjoy himself in private with his penis. It's much easier that way than getting into something sexual with a partner.

Supposing, for example, the husband is having a lie-in and finds himself erect; or it may happen while he is shaving; or it can happen at the office; it takes a man only two or three minutes to relieve the tension by bringing himself to orgasm masturbating. I have had emails from wives who have discovered by chance that their husbands do masturbate and are very upset by their discovery because they think they are being sexually inadequate. But his masturbation is absolutely no reflection whatsoever on their lovemaking.

In fact, if a married man does find himself masturbating, I believe that he should not wait for his wife to make the discovery for herself, but should tell her. Indeed, the couple can actually share their masturbation! Explaining to her how men can suddenly be overwhelmed by sexual desire, there is nothing to which she should take exception, and nothing which should perturb him. It is a waste of time for him to try not to relieve himself on these occasions.

To sum up: neither adolescent nor adult masturbation, or masturbating after marriage can be harmful or wrong. Accepted for what it is - a joyous means of relief from sexual tension - it can only be a good thing. And it has no affect whatsoever on the man's capacity or performance as a lover, except perhaps in the case of the Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome masturbator who may suffer from delayed orgasm.

Other pages on this site:

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Non-erect penis size and shape
Extremes of penis size and the retractile penis
Erect penis size, shape & angle in pictures
The foreskin & circumcision
Penile shaft & glans variations
Other penile variations
From soft to erect in thirty seconds
Hypospadias, Epispadias and Peyronie's disease
Penis problems support groups
The testicles, or testes, and scrotum in pictures
Sexually transmitted diseases
Premature orgasm in men
Penis size 1
Penis size 2
Penis size 3
Circumcision
Circumcision 2
Masturbation

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