Delayed Ejaculation

There is a lot of debate on the Internet about what constitutes sexual dysfunction in men.

For example, the debate about the duration of intercourse that would indicate a man has premature ejaculation has raged for years.

Equally, delayed ejaculation can be seen by many men as a sign of their sexual prowess, whilst by others it's seen as a disaster because they can't come in a way that satisfies their partner.

The difficulties that we face in defining sexual dysfunction in men stem from the fact that we have no measure of normality.

What constitutes a normal length of intercourse is generally regarded as something that satisfies the two people in a relationship.

Obviously this will be dramatically different between different relationships depending on people's sexual expectations and experience.

Now this doesn't mean to say that we can't make some generalized statements about what is normal and what is not normal.

couple making loveFor instance, if you are making love and your sexual intercourse lasted for over 30 minutes, this would definitely be abnormal.

But of course this raises the question of what "abnormal" actually means.

I think we could use a working definition of abnormal as something that is so far away from our expectations that it definitely strikes us as unusual.

But that in itself mean that it's a dysfunction? Of course the answer is that it depends how you define dysfunction.

You can see the problem of circularity in this argument. For example, whether 30 minutes of intercourse is a problem would depend on how it affected the two partners.

In general, I can say from my experience, that 30 minutes of intercourse would be dysfunctional.

Generally speaking, it would make women sore and uncomfortable and frustrated.

Generally speaking, it would make men feel like a sexual failure.

However, I accept that there is no universal truth in these matters. To find a compromise between circularity and clarity, we could look at the average time for intercourse over a huge selection of men from different countries.

Strangely enough this has been done by an enterprising scientist, and he's found that the average duration of intercourse is five minutes.

That is to say the time between penetration and ejaculation is five minutes on average.

Having said that, there are lots of men who ejaculate much faster than that. Alfred Kinsey, in his work in 1950s discovered that around three quarters ejaculated within two minutes.

That may have been culturally more acceptable in those days simply because there was less communication about sex.

In an environment where there is less communication about sex, people are less likely to know how they compare to others.

But in any event, very few people were likely to seek help and advice for this problem in the 1950s even if they thought it was unsatisfactory. The culture of the time was simply that you didn't seek help around sexual issues.

 Remember, those were the days when women were not entitled to orgasms or at least, were not expected to have orgasms.

So there are many problems here but, as I've already stated, we have discovered the average duration of intercourse to be five minutes.

Therefore, if you come in two minutes you can consider yourself to be a premature ejaculator. I think that's common sense.

Equally, if you find that you ejaculate in say 15 or 20 minutes, I think you can consider yourself to have delayed ejaculation.

Do you need to do anything about this dysfunction?

Well, I refer you back to the early part of this discussion, where I referred to the concept of  circularity in the definition of what is normal and abnormal.

The short answer is that you only need to seek help or treatment if you are dissatisfied because it's interfering with your sexual happiness or that of your partner.

 If you want to know more about delayed ejaculation you can get all the facts that are relevant here.

Now, having said that, it's important to know what treatment approach you're going to take to deal with a sexual dysfunction like this, particularly if you're going to try and overcome it at home.

couple making loveA widely agreed cause of delayed ejaculation is that men who have a long time to ejaculation are not aroused enough to reach the point of ejaculatory inevitability.  And that is not because their point of ejaculatory inevitability is too high.

It's because their level of arousal never gets to the point of ejaculatory inevitability. Clearly this is because of some unconscious sexual inhibition.

You can use the word "inhibition" to refer - in the broadest sense - to issues and problems from events which have happened in the past. Fortunately you don't need to delve into the unconscious mind to examine these issues.

You can cure delayed ejaculation by using processes which establish greater intimacy.

That's because greater intimacy provides a safe environment for the expression of full sexuality, including normal arousal, orgasm and ejaculation.

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